The Powerless cycle

Working on Heart String Marionette has been less of a technical/creative challenge and more of a psychological challenge for me... I used to think I was patient because I had done some stop motion animation... now that requires patience YES but you are still very active capturing frame after frame... you're constantly working... things are moving...

Now with the situation where HSM is now... wherein I finished all my major work on the film in February of last year and had to wait to receive chunks of music which I would then edit the film to and do the sound design/foley for it then wait for the next piece... so as far as HSM goes I spent %75 of 2011 waiting... instead of doing nothing I worked on other projects...

Now its 2012 and with HSM I'm still waiting... in 2011 I kept trying to press forward... pushing in hopes to finish it all soon... Being an uberector and all I'm used to being in control... but now HSM is out of my control... its in Endika's hands...

A strange thing happened once I said to myself "Well there's nothing I can do now as it's not up to me"... I didn't say this until I got back from my break about a week ago... once I said that to myself I felt powerless... it was new to me... to feel powerless on a creative project... I'm sure people feel it all the time on their projects... since I control everything on my projects I never felt it before... wow it SUCKS...

To feel powerless is not inspiring...when your not inspired and feel powerless you start to lose confidence… and when you dont have confidence you don't believe in yourself… when you don't believe in yourself you give up really easily… when you give up easily you never finish anything... and when you never finish anything you feel worthless and POWERLESS and the cycle continues... I can see that with this cycle its easy to fall into depression...

So how do you get yourself out of the cycle?

Well I said to myself... since HSM is out of my hands I'll continue work on a new big project! BUT as I learned jumping right into a big project when you feel powerless doesn't work so well as you'll just be like "Whatever I never even finished the other one?! So this one will never get done either?!" What a mental clusterfuck eh?!

So the way I'm going to find my way out of it is just to get back to the basics... don't even think about completing big projects right now... just draw some things...model some things... do some experiments in 3d with new techniques... write some story concepts/ideas... allow the flames of inspiration to spark up on their own... and when they do jump back into work and NEVER STOP AGAIN haha

Gotta stay sharp! I made a Badassery episode December 13th...took a month break... came back to find out that HSM was not done so I feel like a powerless failure haha... I'LL NEVER TAKE ANOTHER BREAK AGAIN! OR umm I'll make films WITH A BUDGET so we can pay people and GET SHIT DONE ASAP!


  1. this topic is close to me

  2. the funny thing dopamine and serotonin for neurotransmitters
    which way you will find the exit it's up to you pills injections or anything else you want
    psychologically in the system it happens all the time

  3. I think you must finish the ost by your self and say goodbay to Endika.

  4. Hang in there brutha.... keep the shit coming and stop for no one. Like said, at worst case scenario, finish the music on your own. If you need to, get a hold of East/West orchestral V.I. samples. That shit is already sounding soo damn good that it should help transition from Endika's tracks to yours.

  5. Does Endika take bribes? Does he like sushi? I'll make it for him. You're doing all you can, and I think your current strategy of testing, doodling, and overall daydreaming is a great plan. That's usually when I get my best ideas, when I'm not looking for anything in particular, but just feel like MAKING things. I'm already writing my 2 next projects while at work, since I have about an hour a day for my breaks. That's 5 hours a week, might as well write my next script! Keep at it man, don't let it bug you.

  6. they call him ENDika for a reason
    bye bye~ :*

  7. I shall remain with faith in Endika. too much picking on the lad ... if given the chance , I would like to think i would also take as much care and concern as he is with his friends project.

    we all want HSM (not high school the musical) .. but we want it done RIGHT..

    now let's talk about a BluRay release ..... hehehe

  8. you guys read : pay'em ..our country doesn't have a paypal system or any system using which I can pay foreign products so you can ban me M lol because im useless here but it's not my fault
    well I would pay Endika actually he is a nice guy works for free like meh super love him

  9. I know the wait is painful but ditching Endika now would be kind of a dick move considering all he's done for the film. You guys have to remember that he is working with other people on this and it's not necessarily his fault that it's taking so long. Musicians can be dicks if they don't get they monies and you can't throw all the blame on him.

  10. Judging from what i've heard already. Endika's music is way worth the wait y'all.

  11. how much further does endika have to go anyway? didn't u say at one point that he needed to make like 20 more minutes of music or something?

    p.s. don't give up creatively and stuff ya hear!

  12. I have that picture as my new desktop background.


Post a Comment